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Vanessa Williams is living proof that your past doesn't define your future.
"I'm still here and I'm still standing. I'm still feeling strong," the 61-year-old actress, singer and former beauty queen tells PEOPLE in this week's cover story, spending her one day off reflecting on her life at a stately English manor near her latest gig.
These days the Ugly Betty and Desperate Housewives alum is stepping into the fictional stilettos of yet another high-powered woman, reimagining Meryl Streep’s steely fashion magazine mogul Miranda Priestly in London’s upcoming musical adaptation of the hit 2006 film The Devil Wears Prada.
Matt Crocket; 20th Century Fox Film/courtesy Everett Collection
"To create a role in a new musical has been one of my dreams," says Williams, who's also gearing up to release Survivor, her first album in 15 years, while working on a documentary about her life as well as a new reality show. "I'm doing what I love," she says.
It's a level of achievement and bliss that 40 years ago might have seemed unattainable, given her remarkable, rather harrowing introduction to the spotlight.
Williams stepped onto the world stage as the first Black woman to be crowned Miss America at the 1984 competition. As she was celebrated by many for being a role model and making history, she also had to smile and wave in the face of racist vitriol being spewed behind the scenes. Then, 10 months into her historic reign, it all shockingly came crashing down.
On July 13, 1984, she learned that nude photos she’d taken years prior and under the promise of anonymity, had been sold and would soon be published in Penthouse magazine, instantly tarnishing her pristine image.
“There was a tremendous amount of onus, pressure, shame, judgment,” she says, thinking back on the scandal that dominated the world’s news cycle for weeks. Had there been an internet to break back then, it would have shattered to pieces. “I took all that on as a 21 year old,” she recalls. “It was global. You can fail quietly, but that was a worldwide fail.”
Williams, however, has shown the world what it’s like to recover after falling from precipitous heights, and she hopes young people can learn from her resilience. She also has a new perspective on what happened way back then.
Zoe McConnell
She was still in her teens when she posed for the photos in 1982 while working as a receptionist for a photographer at a New York modeling agency. The photos sent to Penthouse featured Williams and another female model, who were both told they’d appear only in silhouette.
“I look back at my 19-to 20-year-old self and think, ‘Oh my God you were so naive, so trusting, so vulnerable,’ ” she says. “In your mind you think, ‘I’m old, I know what I’m doing.’ I give myself grace now, but as a young adult, I beat myself up, like ‘I should have known better.’ ”
Jack Kanthal/AP
As for what got her through the throes of that experience, "Luckily I have a tremendous family," she says of leaning on mom Helen, dad Milton and brother Chris, among others in her inner circle back then.
A mother of four adult children, she's recently considered the experience through the lens of her kids. "They're all older than I was now, but the fact that I became famous at 20 years old relative to their lives and having death threats and having to go through breaking a huge hurdle and what the repercussions of that was," she says.
"[They're like] 'Wow, how did you handle all this mom at 20?' " says Williams. "Then I look back at my twenty year old self and say, 'My God, I was a baby.' "
In 2015 Miss America publicly apologized to Williams for their part in pushing for her resignation amid the scandal. With all she's accomplished personally and professionally over the years, she's not the least bit bitter. On the contrary, she says, "I'm really happy."
For more from Vanessa Williams, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands everywhere Friday.
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